Well, since you ask me for a tale of Newt’s top hat

I believe I do have a timeline of events that you might find illuminating.

Currently in Chronological order
  1. 1911 – York

    Gally phones Newt to ask him to do her a “colossal” favour by filling in for her at a Midnight & Noone performance in Leeds. She tells him that he will need to play the cello, but will only have one small bit of singing in the Albert Small song.

    Despite Newt’s protests, Gally insists that he must do this for her. Gally tells him that he can borrow her clothes, but he will need to buy himself a top hat. (Presumably, this is because his head would be too large for Gally’s top hat.)

    Newt is worried that the audience will be disappointed if they are expecting a male impersonator but get an actual man. Gally dismisses this by saying that they will just think he is frightfully good.

  2. 1988 – Nottingham

    On the way to the reception of Myra’s wedding, Uncle Newt, Vanessa, Jerry, Deborah and Russ share a car. They represent five generations of the family.

    Deborah is surprised to hear Jerry ask if he should start his speech with a poem, since she had just assumed that he would.

    Vanessa and Deborah swap theories about the marital status of the registrar at the service, based on their observations of biro marks and reading glasses.

    As they travel, Russ starts to feel unwell. Uncle Newt offers his top hat, should it be needed.

    In an attempt to distract Russ, they all start to play a storytelling game by each saying one word at a time, but this fizzles out as Russ feels worse.

    Next, they try to think of a song which they all know so that they could sing it to Russ. Uncle Newt is too elderly to know Yellow Submarine and Deborah is too young for Knees Up Mother Brown, but there is one song which spans the generations of the family.

    Jerry counts them in and they all sing Woof, Woof, Woof together.

    Unfortunately, they cannot prevent the inevitable, and Deborah is forced to apologise to Uncle Newt.

    Newt replies: “Oh, not at all my dear. It was a very old hat.”

  3. 1990 – Long Buckby

    At Vanessa’s funeral, Jerry is surprised to find that Uncle Newt is wearing the same hat as he wore to Myra’s wedding. Newt remarks that it is an awfully resilient thing.

    Jerry’s daughter has just spoken to him to ensure that he will not do a poem at the funeral. When Uncle Newt hears this, he suggests that Jerry should do one for Newt’s own funeral, when the day comes.

    Uncle Newt says that he would pay Jerry his fee for the poem in advance, except that ha’pennies are no longer produced. He reacts with mock outrage when Jerry suggests that he pay him a whole penny instead.