Well, since you ask me for a tale of Woof, Woof, Woof

I believe I do have a timeline of events that you might find enlightening.

Currently in Chronological order
  1. 1904 – Spetwith

    Gally informs her parents, Patrick and Lettie, about the plans that she and Susanna have to tour the country as a musical act.

    Her parents are hesitant, but are somewhat reassured when Gally tells them that Susanna has recently married a Captain Noone and that he will be travelling with them.

    Gally’s brother, Newt, has been on the sidelines of the discussion. When their parents withdraw to discuss the matter, Newt asks Gally more questions about Susanna’s supposed husband.

    Newt deduces that Captain Noone is a ruse. He tells Gally that the play on words with ‘no-one’ is not as subtle as she might think it is.

    Gally tells him that it is too late to change the name from Noone, not least because she and Susanna are planning to rename their act ‘Midnight & Noone’.

    The two discuss Gally’s new stage name of Midnight, agreeing that it is better suited than Nightingale given Gally’s low voice. This gives Newt an idea for a song in which Gally would play the part of a man who impersonates birds.

  2. 1911 – York

    Gally phones Newt to ask him to do her a “colossal” favour by filling in for her at a Midnight & Noone performance in Leeds. She tells him that he will need to play the cello, but will only have one small bit of singing in the Albert Small song.

    Despite Newt’s protests, Gally insists that he must do this for her. Gally tells him that he can borrow her clothes, but he will need to buy himself a top hat. (Presumably, this is because his head would be too large for Gally’s top hat.)

    Newt is worried that the audience will be disappointed if they are expecting a male impersonator but get an actual man. Gally dismisses this by saying that they will just think he is frightfully good.

  3. 1911 – Leeds

    Newt is filling in for Gally at a Midnight & Noone performance.

    He and Susanna perform the original version of Woof, Woof, Woof, which tells the story of Albert Small.

    Albert was a renowned bird impressionist as a child. However, when his voice breaks, he can no longer reach the notes needed to imitate birds like the nightingale. So that he can continue to perform, he changes to doing dog impressions instead.

  4. 1960 – Long Buckby

    Jerry asks his mum, Vanessa, if Midnight & Noone ever made any records. She tells him that they had not.

    Jerry asks if she remembers any of the pair’s songs. She tells him about The Fellow with the Cello and Woof, Woof, Woof, attempting a short rendition of each.

    She tells Jerry that the joke behind Woof, Woof, Woof is that it is a nightingale doing the dog impressions.

  5. 1969 – Soho

    In a meeting with the Soho Systems Sound Design, Jerry performs a song that he has written to be used in one of their adverts.

    The song is a variation of Woof, Woof, Woof. In this version, a nightingale visits Soho Systems Sound Design to achieve the low notes she needs to do impressions of dogs.

    The company express some concern over copyright because of an allusion to A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square at the end of the song. Hearing this, Jerry has to confess that the whole thing is based on an old Midnight & Noone song.

  6. 1984 – Dover

    Deborah sings Woof, Woof, Woof in the form of a lullaby to an infant Russ.

  7. 1988 – Nottingham

    On the way to the reception of Myra’s wedding, Uncle Newt, Vanessa, Jerry, Deborah and Russ share a car. They represent five generations of the family.

    Deborah is surprised to hear Jerry ask if he should start his speech with a poem, since she had just assumed that he would.

    Vanessa and Deborah swap theories about the marital status of the registrar at the service, based on their observations of biro marks and reading glasses.

    As they travel, Russ starts to feel unwell. Uncle Newt offers his top hat, should it be needed.

    In an attempt to distract Russ, they all start to play a storytelling game by each saying one word at a time, but this fizzles out as Russ feels worse.

    Next, they try to think of a song which they all know so that they could sing it to Russ. Uncle Newt is too elderly to know Yellow Submarine and Deborah is too young for Knees Up Mother Brown, but there is one song which spans the generations of the family.

    Jerry counts them in and they all sing Woof, Woof, Woof together.

    Unfortunately, they cannot prevent the inevitable, and Deborah is forced to apologise to Uncle Newt.

    Newt replies: “Oh, not at all my dear. It was a very old hat.”

  8. 2004 – Hastings

    In a band meeting, one of the members of Pier Pressure suggests they do a cover of A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square. Russ insists that they should do “the famous bit” and gives a short rendition of Woof, Woof, Woof.

    After an initial stunned silence, the rest of the band start to laugh at Russ’ insistence that this is how the song goes. Their hilarity grows as Russ sings in a high-pitched voice and explains that it is the nightingale doing dog impressions.

    The lead singer resolves that they are doing the song. He dismisses the rest of the band except for Russ, to whom he says: “You and me are writing a song, Jawbone.”

  9. 2006 – Larmer Tree Festival

    Pier Pressure perform their version of Woof, Woof, Woof at the Larmer Tree Festival.

    The song is introduced as being “from the diseased mind of the drummer” and features various dog impressions.